In Memory - DH spoilers

In memory of my two most cherished professors -
by Tatiana Joan Lupin

In memory - In memory of professor Remus John Lupin
In memory of you, daddy.
I still remember - do you?

The day we met on the Hogwarts Express. I saw you first, sleeping in the compartment, even though I'd never seen a teacher on the train before.
I remember the dilapidated old suitcase that hung above, peeling letters proclaiming humbly : R.J. Lupin.

And the way Ron said you looked as though one good hex would finish you off.
You knew me as soon as you woke up. You knew me, though I did not.
I remember how you were after you told me who you were, my father. You were all kindness and gentleness…always there to guide or help…

I remember the way you laughed when I was home during the summer holidays, the afternoons in the sunlit, dusty kitchen we spent together, playing chess. The afternoons you spent helping me with my homework, even though you were busy with work for the Order, but pretended that you weren't bothered.

I'm sorry that I went after your affection that way but I just needed it so much…

And I imagined, when I was at Hogwarts, on a rainy, dreary evening, how alone you had to be, and I hoped that Sirius or someone would be there with you.
…Usually I'd send an owl, hoping it would reach you soon.

We needed more time to get to know each other, didn't we? I never really knew what a father was supposed to feel like, though I think I was starting to understand.

Days pass, I still wonder why my heart bleeds afresh every time I hear the word: werewolf.

Daddy? Where did Harry put the resurrection stone? I want to talk to you so bad….
What would I say, though? We needed so much more time, and the stone wouldn't have brought that.

We had so much ahead of us, us and little Teddy. Tonks too.
Speaking of which, Teddy turned his hair pink this morning and doesn't seem to want to change it back. He can change his eye color now, too.

Don't worry about Teddy or me, though, daddy, we'll be fine, I'll take care of us.
I'll miss you, but I'll work hard. I'll make you proud of me, I promise. I won't forget how you always told me to keep looking up…

Expecto Patronum!

I'll always remember you, Dad. Always.






In memory of you too, you bat.

Oh, Severus Snape.
My heart still does ache to learn of your death.
…Who am I kidding? I never even KNEW you!

And yet, there is still an empty hole were I know you used to stand, because no one else has ever stood in that space in my heart!

Potions Master of Hogwarts. Master spy extraordinaire, Occlumens expert…. But all that didn't matter to you, did it? Potions Master… but still more of just a lonely oddball.

I used to think your heart was encrusted with stone and iron spikes. It was only after your death that I realized it wasn't true after all, though I always had hopes.

So underneath all that, warm, passionate blood flowed after all? I felt it on your neck in the shrieking shack, your cold body spattered with your own blood, a crimson liquid seeping through your robes and rotten floorboards.

It stained my fingers with a consistency of such that I thought in horror that I would never get it out.

I'd always hoped you were really on our side, but it's hard to understand, it was hard to understand, to take in, with your cold, cold, unfeeling and unknowing body in front of me.

I closed your eyes so you could rest.
Underneath all that, you could love?
Underneath all that?
That acidic wit, waspish sarcasm, bitter attitude, cold demeanor, unforgiving, uncaring, gross favoritism?

You never betrayed us?

So you were Gryffindor after all? TELL ME YOU WERE GRYFFINDOR!

Oh, Merlin. I still have so many questions left to ask.
But there is a part of me chained to you that will never let go. I did admire you at school and I will never forget you.

Damn and blast! Those unfathomable obsidian eyes of yours, when I imagine them, still sear a sizzling hole into my core…
Damn you, Severus! But Merlin, I'll miss you…

In memory of my two greatest professors…

Good night to you both.
Good night.